For some, the holidays are a time of joy and happiness and to gather with friends and family. But for many, it's a time of high stress leading to anxiety and depression. Family time can be stressful, there's the pressure of finding that perfect gift, it's a time that excessive spending happens that catches up to us, and having so many parties and gatherings to attend can be overwhelming. Here are some tips for coping with the holiday stress:
Setting boundaries: Having boundaries with others is so important; especially, for those who stir up strong emotions or like to bring up controversial or hot-button topics. Just because someone brings something up, doesn't mean you have to engage. In fact, by pulling yourself out of those conversations can remove the pressure and anxiety of saying the "right" thing or feeling judged by others. Setting boundaries is also a great tool when others ask personal questions or are trying to get information from you that you don't want to share. Maybe it's an aunt who you see only at holidays who wants to know how your job is going; maybe it's a grandparent who has strong opinions on your parenting; maybe it's your mom getting nosey about your relationship break up. Having boundaries tells others you have space around yourself and they are not entitled to to every part of you. YOU get to choose who you share things with, not them. Boundaries can look like physically leaving the space, choosing not to participate in certain conversations, or making comments such as "I don't want to/I'm not going to talk about that" or "That's not something I want to share".
Saying "no": saying "no" to those activities that are emotionally or mentally draining; saying "no" to the parties you don't want to attend; saying "no" to allow yourself time staying home and pet your dog. Saying "no" doesn't make you a bad person or selfish, it's actually a self-preservation technique. We all only have so much time and energy to be with others (even if you consider yourself an extrovert) so choose where you want to invest it. Most people have multiple holiday parties or events to attend and doing everything gets overwhelming so pick those most important to you that will renew your energy and connection with others.
Spend money mindfully: It's easy to go overboard with spending during the holiday season. Not only because of inflation over the last few years but the pressure to buy, buy, buy is higher than ever. Planning ahead to budget for the holidays is a great idea but keep in mind this doesn't mean save for six months so you can spend $200 per person. Having a dollar amount for everyone you buy gifts for prior to shopping can help you to stay on track. Black Friday and Cyber Monday are times marketed for high savings. Yes, you can find some great deals but it's easy to over spend when the screen flashes the amount of savings (but how much did you spend to actually save?). The bottom line: be mindful of how you are spending your hard-earned money. (Homemade gifts are a great option! Not only are they personal, they often cost much less.)
Lowering expectations: not everyone (very rarely in fact) do people experience the Hallmark version of a holiday. Lowering high expectations helps to decrease the pressure we feel on making the holidays perfect. Having realistic expectations can make the holidays easier to navigate or find joy in. This can be letting go of the pressure to find the perfect gift, leaving the party early, or accepting that your dad is going to try and lecture you (boundaries!!). None of these areas serve you so release the expectations of perfection, of who you spend your time and energy, and what the holidays "should" be.
If you are feeling the overwhelm and stress of the holidays, meeting with a therapist can be a helpful way to process through your emotions, find ways to navigate this season, and plan for future holidays.